Hey fellow readers,
So sorry I haven't posted in a long while. Final exams and family reunion and books and beauty and the world and distractions and laziness have been keeping me very busy lately. I recently came back from a vacation to Palm Springs, hiking the high-desert mountains and valleys that are Joshua Tree National Park, a truly amazing an important place for those of you looking for an adventure. I've been thinking allot there and examining myself, really coming to some conclusions, I think, regarding certain aspects and patterns of myself. I think these might be common problems, as most problems perhaps are. Please share any opinions and thoughts you all might have, very interested in hearing what you have to say!
So in the past several weeks I came to a very big realization about myself.
Throughout my life I've had periods of complete indulgence in one subject. For whatever reason I become so fascinated in this thing, and out of purest interest learn everything there is about it, become an expert in it, make my life's plans around it! until... one day it is over, the desire is gone, and I loose my interest.
I would have to say my first interest was art. I was eight perhaps. I, or more accurately my parents, bought canvasses paints, brushes, and lessons. At one point my art was even exhibited at a local cafe. Around the age of ten I recall rock climbing. I was convinced that by 20 I would have climbed Everest. I went so often to a climbing gym with my father. I really loved it.
I then became very interested in the idea of the Wild, unmanned earth and living only in its lands. After that I played the trumpet at quite a seriose level, being in my city's honor's band. I then moved to Los Angeles, at 12 years. For the first year here I focussed so much on convincing my parents to move back. I think now of this being quite ridiculous; all that energy I spent on such an inefficient thing. Then Basketball... basketball did not like my ever-changing passions. Later on I became very involved in a relationship. Then quantum mechanics and the theory of relativity. I strive now for balance, very consciously.
When I was young, ten or eleven, I thought I was in the place a young person should be, that being a state of exploration. My goal then, I thought, was to find what I was and what I was going to pursue, more or less, as a profession: I thought I was going to outgrow this habit of mine. But time passes as it never fails to do and now I'm nearly 15 and without my conscience upholding of balance I am sure I would be just as inconsistent as ever. I am a man of twists and turns, of changes, plain and simple; this is who I am. I've heard someone say that life is really simple, we just insist on making it so complicated, I think this was some eastern philosopher or teacher. I was contemplating re-joining my school's basketball team recently. I asked my friend if he thought I should and he said that yea, he thinks I should join, but it's a commitment and he didn't know if that's what I wanted. I was offended at first, but it was said with care and it was really quite truthful. I can, and do, live with balance, appreciating and partaking in many things, but its important, I feel, to not tip this balance. If I spend 5 hours a day playing and thinking about one thing, I will then later on indulge completely in another thing.
The things I have indulged in each entertained and pleased one side of my spirit, the way food satisfies hunger. I pleased my warrior side and only my warrior side with basketball for months, but it is not my warrior side alone that exists. Hector in the middle of battle leaves; he takes off his helmet and embraces his wife and child. It's not that it's unhealthy for me to embrace completely one side of myself, it is simply that that way of living, only trying to please one side, is unsustainable. Of course while I am a warrior I am also an artist and a brother and a reader and a friend and a partner. I now play soccer, write, take lots of hikes, spend important time with my family, and read and love. I try my best to arouse and entertain and satisfy all of the parts of my spirit, and not to neglect any part of me for too long. This, I think, makes the whole me happy.
